1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was 
–Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, 
–but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 

3. She was only a whisky maker, 
–but he loved her still. 

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class 
–because it was a weapon of math disruption. 

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder 
–and got a little behind in his work. 

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, 
–it’ll still be stationery. 

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road 
–and was cited for littering. 

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France 
–would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 

9. Two silk worms had a race. 
–They ended up in a tie. 

10. Time flies like an arrow. 
–Fruit flies like a banana. 

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. 
–The police are looking into it. 

12. Atheism 
–is a non-prophet organization. 

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. 
–One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’ 

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
– Then, it hit me. 

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 
–’Keep off the Grass.’ 

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. 
– His grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’ 

17. A chicken crossing the road 
–is poultry in motion. 

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
–was a small medium at large. 

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray 
–is now a seasoned veteran. 

20. A backward poet 
–writes inverse. 

21. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. 
–In feudalism, it’s your count that votes. 

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, 
–they got a taste of religion. 

23. Don’t join dangerous cults: 
–Practice safe sects !

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